I never used to make myself a priority and learning how to do this has helped me grow so much as a person and understand where I need to focus my energy.
I ran my first Clubhouse room in over a year on Saturday with one of my dear friends who I have been friends with over 30 years and really had to get out of my own way to do this as I kept putting it off.
Imposter syndrome can often become a thing for me, “am i good enough?” and this voice can pop up for us in many ways. That voice inside your head that tells us that we need to stay small but when we can push through and silence that voice then this is where our growth begins.
That voice inside our heads is there to keep us safe and I love the book ‘The Chimp Paradox’ as it explains beautifully how if we always listen to that voice or chimp as the author calls it then we will always stay stagnant.
Setting boundaries was something that I had to learn as I was always a ‘Yes’ person and saying no can take skill and really paying attention to your gut feeling and intuition. Often if something doesn’t feel right then it usually isn’t.
These are 11 priorities which helped me to create a healthy and balanced life.
- Create Healthy Boundaries
This is easier said than done, as creating healthy boundaries isn’t something we’re taught at a young age and I definitely had to learn this from scratch
Your boundaries should be completely non-negotiable. They’ll help you be there for yourself more often and they’ll help you make yourself a priority.
When a situation makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s a clear sign that you shouldn’t be there, and when your boundaries have been violated, you’ll probably feel sad or angry.
Being able to learn that these are not negative emotions although they may seem it at the time they are there to keep you safe. Write down what comes up for you during this time and sit with it as responding through our emotions is never a good thing to do.
2. Spend time on yourself
I used to hate my own company and always looked outside of myself for others to fill me up. Spending time with and on yourself you start to enjoy your own company and it allows you to fill up your own cup till it overflows and this is where you are able to give to others in a healthy way.
When we are constantly bombarded with others troubles then we become numb to our own feelings and struggles.
Those same emotions will continue to pile up until they burst at some point, which was definitely true for me. Unpacking these emotions by having me-time allows us to release them in a healthy way.
You’ll be able to be more perceptive of your own thoughts and feelings, without the influences of others. Your me-time will be the reset you need to go out into the world the next day.
Make yourself a priority and go home earlier just to spend more time with yourself. If you can’t spend time with yourself and enjoy it, how do you expect other people to enjoy spending time with you?
3. Take yourself out on dates
Don’t wait for someone else to take you on a date, often when we have been in a relationship which may have ended we feel lost and while waiting for someone else we miss out on enjoying ourselves.
Go grab a coffee, read a book, take yourself walking and exploring, give yourself pamper time and fall in love with yourself. You’re your own biggest priority and don’t forget that.
4. Speak kindly to yourself
What is the narrative that you tell yourself? When we speak negatively to ourselves this will show up externally and we punish ourselves for our failings and shortcomings. High five yourself when you look in that mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself. This can feel strange at first but you wouldn’t speak negatively to your friends so don’t do it to yourself. When you look at yourself in the mirror, please appreciate every curve, every mole, every single part of yourself and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
5. Don’t feel guilty for being selfish
Being an empath I always prioritised others needs before my own and felt others pain but when you do this your own needs are not met. Shifting this mindset and putting yourself first is not selfish but essential. You don’t need to explain yourself or justify your actions to nobody or let others convince you otherwise.
6. It’s ok to say NO!
I was always a YES person, if someone was going out, I was coming. If there was a party, I was coming. Learning to say NO is important and I now take time to respond and get back to people and it really is liberating once you learn this practice. You have the right to choose whatever feels good for you at the time. Don’t say yes to things that make you feel awful because you don’t want to be there or regret the next day, begin with that self-respect.
7. Learn how to ask for help
Asking for help isn’t a bad thing but if you have been independent for a long length of time then this can feel difficult to do. You really can’t do everything yourself and this applies in life and business. Reaching out to those friends that you have always supported is important or looking at people who can do that task that has held you back in business.
8. Love your body
Our physical needs are so important. Loving my own body was a difficult thing for me especially after having three cesareans with my children. I changed the narrative in my own head about the scars from the c-sections and embrace them as they helped me to produce three lovely boys. Body dysmorphia is a thing and social media, filters and plastic surgery doesn’t help as we begin to compare ourselves, when often this isn’t the reality. Our body is a beautiful thing and we should be proud of what it helps us to do such as exercise and working, so look after it by eating healthy and nurturing every inch including our scars, moles and lines is an important part of our growth.
9. Embrace your emotions
Validate any emotions that come up for you and take notice and write down what is making you feel that way. All emotions are valid even in their rawest form and being told “oh you’re alright” or “stop crying” is wrong, we need to feel these emotions otherwise they will stay in the body and bring dis-ease. Don’t stay silent when someone hurts you, talking about our emotions can really help us to move forward, explain how you felt in that moment. Express your emotions in a healthy way, not by shouting and screaming as nobody will listen and you make yourself more stressed in the process.
10. Journal
I write three things down daily from the day before that I am grateful for puts me in a good place and reminds me to be grateful for the small things. When you align with gratitude something magical happens, it helped me on my healing path and learnt me to be happy every day. It doesn’t mean I don’t get triggered but it means I get to use my arsenal of tools if I do.
11. Let go of people who hold you back in life
Letting go of toxic people in your life is crucial especially if they use you for their own satisfaction or bring you down and talk about you behind your back. Avoiding people like that or sending them love as they may have unresolved issues of their own. Cutting the noise and chaos in your life and people who make you feel bad or worthless helps you to live life on your terms and begin making yourself a priority.
I will leave a link to the room that I ran on Saturday for anyone that would like a listen, there is also some questions at the end to help you think about your values and how you want to be treated in life. Knowing our values is important because it helps us make decisions, take action, and focus on moving towards the life we want to live.
Take some time and think about what is important to you? Listen on the free audio app via the link below.
The Spiritual Meaning of Sciatica | Spirituality & Health (spiritualityhealth.com)
Lots of love
Amanda
Advocate for women & men to find their confidence after narcissistic and domestic abuse
